The Power of Self-coaching: 10 questions to “operationalise emotional intelligence and give voice to your values and priorities”

As a Human Resources executive, I observed and experienced numerous offerings aimed at leaders for their professional growth. Coaching had the most significant impact on me and many of the senior leaders I worked with - so much so that I changed my career trajectory. Over the past 20 years, coaching has become the cornerstone method for developing inspiring leadership approaches, improving managerial skills, and honing overall personal effectiveness. 

Research shows that working with a professional coach is likely to be most effective (Losch, Traut-Mattausch, Mühlberger, & Jonas, 2016). 

However, it’s not always possible to partner with a professional coach, so recognising the benefits of self-coaching and fostering a mindset of continuous learning and self-improvement can give us a leading edge. 

What is Self-Coaching?

Self-coaching is simply a conversation you have with yourself to achieve a desired outcome. If it sounds a bit barmy, reflect on the conversations you’re having with yourself throughout the day anyway. For most of us, most of the time there is some internal dialogue happening. Having a more conscious, self-coaching conversation means you can tap into your wiser and kinder internal voice.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~Viktor E. Frankl

For those moments when you are trying to create some space between your instinctive reaction and your intentional response, you can apply some basic coaching models and principles to add more structure to your thinking. While it does not replace the insights and challenge a professional coach can offer, self-coaching provides a flexible, anytime-accessible resource to navigate challenging situations or make a choice about a complex issue.

Key Benefits of Self-Coaching

Check out this TedTalk from Dev Pathik (quoted in the headline of this article) on the importance of Self-coaching

1. Reduce Procrastination

Studies have shown that self-coaching strategies can significantly reduce procrastination by encouraging proactive behaviour and commitment to set tasks (Losch et al., 2016). A particularly welcome outcome in today’s fast-paced work environments.

2. Improve creative problem solving

By engaging in self-reflection and asking probing questions, you can uncover innovative solutions to problems and gain deeper insights into your work and personal life.

3. Maintain a Growth Mindset

The belief that your abilities and impact can be developed through dedication and hard work, is a fundamental outcome of self-coaching. Consistently setting goals, seeking feedback, and reflecting on outcomes, encourages continuous learning and resilience in the face of setbacks.

4. Develop Self-Leadership Skills

Self-leadership skills include self-awareness, self-motivation, and the ability to self-regulate. Paradoxically, the more senior you become, the fewer people there are offering you direction, feedback or recognition therefore self-leadership becomes essential. 

5. Empowerment and Autonomy

When you feel in control of your responses to situations and take ownership of your learnings, you will remain more engaged, motivated, and likely to implement lasting changes.  Staying resilient and making the best choices for you and your future will happen when you are operating from a place of strong empowerment and autonomy. 

10 questions to Self-Coach (based on the ABCDE model)

Activating event:

1. What about my current situation is making me want to create change?

2. What is causing me to feel uneasy, stressed, or uncomfortable?

Beliefs:

3. What were my thoughts & feelings when it happened?

4. What narrative was I telling myself about the situation?

Consequence:

5. What impact did those thoughts of mine have on me?

6. What actions did my thoughts lead me to take?

Disputing:

7. What makes me believe my thoughts were accurate?

8. What alternative interpretation might be more helpful for me?

Effective way:

9. What might be a wise way to react?

10. What would someone I trust and respect recommend doing?

In summary…

My final tip is to always acknowledge your progress and celebrate your successes. Be as generous with yourself as you are with your team and peers. This positive reinforcement literally changes the way your brain works over time and creates real momentum for your continuous growth.

Incorporating self-coaching into your routine is not just about improving skills—it's about cultivating a mindset that thrives on reflection, learning, and continuous improvement. Whether you are a seasoned executive or an aspiring leader, self-coaching can be a valuable tool in your development suite.

If you ever have the opportunity to access professional coaching through your organisation, take it! There is no more personalised and impactful way of growing both personally and professionally.  In the meantime, I hope these pointers on self-coaching offer you a complementary approach that makes the journey of growing as a leader more fruitful and enjoyable!